Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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