took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
