I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The air taste purple.
Randomize
