my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
how does that bad decision feel?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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