By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
