dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
