Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

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(423): View more from Tennessee

two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight

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(253): View more from Washington

So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?

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(231): View more from Michigan

It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.

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(760): View more from California

He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"

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(517): View more from Michigan

i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone

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