i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i would punch a child for taco bell
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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