when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
