yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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