you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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