Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize