I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
