so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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