Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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