hotel room ftw
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
