My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
