Cold hands, warm shart.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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