so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
