What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
