She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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