if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
