My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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