this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
