mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
