When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
