He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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