either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
