he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
