Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
