the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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