i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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