hotel room ftw
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
