This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
