was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
