one might say we're banned from that church
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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