Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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