How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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