Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize