pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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