the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
