Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
