Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
