I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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