he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
