i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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