it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
