im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
MIDGETS
????
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
