I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
