I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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