found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize