ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
