Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
