well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
