Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
