still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
