i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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