god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
