Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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