Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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