I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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