So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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