Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
